Musing on 'retreat'

I always associate "retreat" with an army running for it's life in however a dignified fashion. To be honest, this last week I felt the need to run for my life away from Cottesloe, away from church, away from people, towards the friend whose load is lite and burden is easy.I don't like being that way - loaded up, empty of inner resource. Like an old battery that doesn't hold it's charge any more - just one crank and it's dead again. I'm a "slow charge" kind of person. I need chunks of empty space and time to recharge. What about you?I seek a life where what I do comes from the inner rest with God that is my normal state of being. I'm not too bad at this but sometimes the out flow is greater than the input. So, coming away empty and needy is the right thing to do.What do I do on retreat at New Norcia?I remember the first retreat I ever went on at Retreat House in Melbourne. I felt very holy and sat there waiting for something special and spiritual to happen; it never did. I've moved on a bit from there; I've learned that we take ourselves wherever we go, so personal reflection and renovation takes an openess to new insights and willingness to take responsibility to learn and change.This retreat Ive shared meals with the other punters - usually a motley crew of stragglers from around the world who almost universally say, "Isnt it peaceful here?" and it is.I went for a long bike ride and reflected on that as a metaphor for church leadership, especially aspects of pacing, consistency, isolation and finishing strongly.I've watched my favourite "boy" movies on the laptop - Saving Private Ryan, Gran Torino, Apollo 13, Gladiator. I appreciate their message and have been made increasingly aware of the cultural codes they tap into since reading Clotaire Raphaille's - The Culture Code (see blog post - Reading This Week 11th March).I sleep a lot, and the more I sleep the more aware I become of how tired I am.I marvel at how this stark village in a dusty paddock can be such an oasis for people and have decided the answer comes down to one word - "prayer". It is soaked in prayer. What this does and how it works is a mystery but prayer changes things. I reflect on this, I drink it in, I give thanks for the gift that it is to me in this second of my life.I forget. I discipline myself to live only this moment, to leave other places, responsibilities, concerns to God. To remember I am not God, he knows, cares and leaves alone much better than I do.I'm reading over and over the 4 chapters of text that Abbott Placid, who died in 2008, said of all the literature on the planet was the most important to him (it is John 13-17 by the way).Today it's 11am and I have no idea where the morning has gone and it doesn't matter - that's retreat!