A Reflection for Lent

I don’t function well when Cheryl is away – thankfully, she arrived home yesterday.  I get what I call “wandery”; inward looking, self-pitying, self indulgent….  Just full of myself really.  Then, when I’ve done that for a while, I ice it with a substantial layer of introspection, self loathing and self criticism.  While that is going on I am not doing what I should be doing so things don’t get done and I go to bed very late and I get tired etc. etc. so around the “self” mulberry bush I go again.I’m not very good when Cheryl goes away ….  And it’s all about “me”.Someone humorously said of “sin” that it always has the big “I” in the middle, and let’s face it I spend most of my time, one way or another,  thinking about number one – my hunch is we all do.Lent, this season leading up to Easter, is valuable because it calls me to reflect on my inherent self centredness which is the root of sin.  Forget the doing of this or that wrong thing, it’s the fact that my whole being is oriented towards myself and away from God and others that makes me a sinner.  It has nothing to do with being good or trying harder, it is a human condition, it’s who I am.We read an amazing verse from Isaiah 43:25 at staff prayers on Thursday morning.  God is speaking and He says;“I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins”.God seems to be saying to the worlds pre eminent biblical whingers, Israel, it’s not about you!  He’s shaking them to try and get their attention.“I, I am He!” – while I am busy navel gazing God is trying to get my attention – LOOK AT ME! He says. [God’s “Cath and Kim” moment].“I blot out your transgressions FOR MY OWN SAKE”.That’s how little it’s actually about me.  God has blotted out my sin – forgiven me completely and utterly – for his sake, so he can be in relationship with me and because he chooses to as God!  That’s how much he wants to be in relationship with me.  Blotting out required the payment of an acceptable price, the acceptable price was a perfect sacrifice, the only perfect sacrifice could be a lamb provided by God – his son Jesus, the Lamb of God,  for me – he pays, I receive – high cost, huge transaction - wow! But have you seen this fluff in my navel, God?I tend to bring up the same old stuff, probably because I do the same old stuff, but God says, “I will not remember your sins”.  I keep telling him the same broken record litany of disappointments and failures and he says, “What are you talking about?”.“I, I am He who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins”.One day I am really truly going to understand what it really truly means when I hear the words, Jesus loves me but I’m not quite there yet.  Are you?Malcolm