Prayer – love it, don’t understand it, want to do it, can’t see the point, wonder if it works, intrigued by it. These are just some of my thoughts and attitudes about this fundamental aspect of my faith. Despite this seemingly ambivalent approach, I have, for many years, longed to have the time to learn more about prayer and to spend more time doing it.
After prayerfully and accountably arriving at the decision to change career direction, this year I find myself with a little more time on my hands than before. Actually, that’s not strictly true: what I have a bit more of is both flexibility and the headspace to engage with prayer. Resisting the temptation to read 101 books on prayer and intercession, I came to God and told him that I would like to learn how to pray more effectively and I asked him to lead me and teach me as he saw fit. I was conscious that I could read books, feel encouraged or condemned and actually never move forward in this area. I was also concerned to not limit how God might lead me to pray.
This week has been a week of breakthrough. In different areas of my life I have reached a point where there is absolutely nothing I can do to change certain things. For example my dad is still very sick in hospital 5 months after an operation; certain relationships are proving challenging. God’s response to my prayers has been clear – “Leave it with me.” I’ve found this an uncomfortable and yet comforting response, an invitation to trust that God is who he says he is and stop trying to control situations that are, quite frankly, beyond my control. Simple but hard, yet strangely liberating and in this place of recognised helplessness I am seeing God break through.
The situations themselves don’t seem to be changing (at least not as quickly as I think they should) but I can clearly see that he is changing and strengthening me and giving me the grace to trust him. Let’s be clear, this is a daily, sometimes hourly choice and at times feels too hard.
The really cool thing is what else is happen ing almost on the side as I relinquish control to God. He has given me words of knowledge about eyes that are impaired or torsos that are aching and, as I stepped out and prayed for these things, people have been healed…just like in the Bible!!! A non-Christian friend calmly announced the other week that she would like to read the Bible with me, so we’re reading Matthew together and God is meet ing both her and me in that place. In a particularly tumultuous week, friends and strangers alike have commented on the sense of peace that I seem to carry.
In all of this, all I can say is “Praise God!!!” I know beyond doubt that it is he who is at work in me and is transforming me. And I know that I have done nothing, other than to come to him and surrender.
In prayer
Disie